


I wish you hadn't

by Drinktothemadness



Series: the 100 drabbles [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Jealousy, Who even knows, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-11 21:47:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3334019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drinktothemadness/pseuds/Drinktothemadness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy finds out about Clarke & Finn and Clarke finds out about Raven & Bellamy and neither of them cares. Kind of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I wish you hadn't

**Author's Note:**

> set after the rain incident in my previous drabble so perhaps read that first if you like? idk

Bellamy finds out about Clarke and Finn by the way of an offhand comment from Octavia. 

“What’s going on?” he says as she comes into his tent. There’s a lot of noise coming from the camp, people whooping and cheering and raising voices at each other, but he’s too focused on reading to go check himself.

“Cat fight,” Octavia says, and Bellamy can’t help but frown at the excitement lacing her voice. They shouldn’t be fighting with each other inside the camp, not when there were so many enemies just outside the walls.

“Between who?”

“Clarke and the new girl.”

“Shit,” Bellamy says, scrambling upright at Clarke’s name, but Octavia stills him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Relax, Bell. She’s fine. It’s just words.”

He shoots her a look at the obvious suggestion behind her words, and the left-hand side of her mouth twitches upwards in amusement. God, he never should have let on how important Clarke was to their survival. He should’ve just pretended like it didn’t matter to him if she lived or died, and maybe then Octavia would quit looking at him like she knew something he didn’t.

“What are they arguing about?” he asks instead, because he can still here them outside.

“Spacewalker,” she shrugs. “Hey, did you know that he and Clarke hooked up in one of the bunkers a few weeks back?”

“They… _what_?”

Octavia nodded sagely. “Apparently they slept together just before new girl turned up. New girl just found out. Spacewalker failed to mention he had a girlfriend.”

“What a dick,” Bellamy says flatly, because he can’t really think of anything else, can’t seem to get past the fact that _Clarke_ slept with _Finn_. She could do so much better than him; Clarke needed someone who’d help her challenge herself, someone who’d tell her when to stop when she was going to far, tell her to chill when she was pushing herself too hard. Clarke needed someone who could be her equal. Someone who wasn’t the fucking _Spacewalker_ , with his stupid hair and his reckless attitude. 

Fuck.

“Tell them to break it up,” he mutters at Octavia. “We don’t need them screwing up the peace in camp.”

“On it,” she says. She pauses in the doorway of the tent, sincerity replacing amusement in her expression. “Want me to kick him in the balls?”

Bellamy just shakes his head. 

 

*

 

Clarke finds out about Raven and Bellamy while he’s still trapped inside Mount Weather.

She and Raven are sat by the radio, waiting for him to check in with an update on the situation. He rings every other day at lunch time, and Clarke spends the hours before hand growing steadily more stressed, on edge until she hears his voice crackling over the radio and she knows he’s okay, that he’s still alive. That he’s safe.

“Hey,” Raven says beside her, laying a gentle hand on her knee. “Quit jiggling. You’re making _me_ nervous.”

“Sorry.”

“He’ll call,” she says.

Clarke forces herself to stop fidgeting, folds her hands into her lap and squeezes the tight instead. “I know.”

Raven is quiet for a moment. Clarke can feel her watching the side of her face closely, studying her. “You really miss him, don’t you.”

“He was my second,” she mutters. “I never should have even let him go in the first place.”

“Yeah,” Raven snorts. “Like you’d have been able to stop him from saving his people. He has a serious hero complex.”

_No_ , Clarke thinks defensively. _He’s just brave_.

“Lexa and the others talk about you two like you’re together,” Raven says then, when Clarke doesn’t respond. “Like, properly together.”

Clarke shrugs. “Not my job to convince them otherwise.”

“So there’s nothing there? Even though he’s basically your partner?”

“It’s not like that,” she says. “Bellamy’s too important. I need him too much.”

“So you never even slept together?”

Clarke felt herself flushing hotly. Why did everyone always assume that? “No! Of course we didn’t!”

“I thought he’d slept with half the camp!”

“He probably has,” she says, although that’s something she isn’t comfortable thinking about. “But not me.”

“Huh,” Raven says thoughtfully. “I really thought you too would’ve gone there at some point. Even _I’ve_ gone there.”

Clarke freezes. “Gone where?”

“Hooking up with Bellamy.”

“ _You_ hooked up with _Bellamy_?” she says, and cringes at how horrified she sounds.

Raven grins and shrugs. “Ages ago. It was a one-time thing. I’d just found out about you and…”

She trails off. This time it’s Clarke who reaches over and squeezes _her_ knee. Neither of them has quite gotten to the point yet where they can say his name out loud without it feeling like they were having their hearts torn from their chest.

Raven shakes her head. “It was for revenge. Not that it wasn’t good, but it’s always better with someone you love, right?”

Clarke just nods. She can’t imagine Raven and Bellamy together. Can’t imagine them wrapped around each other, his hands tangled in her dark hair, big hands running over her skin. She believes Raven when she says it didn’t mean anything, but why had _he_ slept with _her_? He hadn’t even bothered learning her name for _weeks_ after she landed. Raven and Bellamy aren’t a good match. They’re a horrible, awful match and it makes Clarke’s chest hurt to even think about it. 

The radio on the table in front of them buzzes into life. Clarke scrambles for it, brings it to her ear.

“Bellamy?”

“It’s me, Princess,” he says, and christ, she hates him, but the relief that floods through her makes her feel like she’s drowning. _He’s okay. He’s alive. He’s safe._ “You miss me?”

“You wish,” she says, and ignores the way that Raven is beaming at her.

 

*

 

They get everyone out of Mount Weather two weeks and three days later. On the whole, everyone is okay, everyone is alive, everyone is safe. They take them all straight to the medical centre to recover their strength. Bellamy is in better shape than most of them, but even he sleeps for almost a week straight. Abby comes to get Clarke when he wakes up, but she’s training with Lexa and by the time she’s finished he’s been discharged from the medical centre.

She finds him in his tent with Octavia. The bruises on his face have lost their intensity, have faded to a yellow, and Clarke knows that he’s hurt in other places and other ways that she can’t see but she’s glad anyway. Glad that she can look him in the eye without feeling sick with guilt for sending him away like his life meant nothing to her.

She sits and listens quietly while Octavia and Bellamy talk, waits until Octavia excuses herself to go and find Lincoln before saying anything.

“Hey,” she says softly, and that’s it, that’s all she can manage.

He smiles at her, lopsided. “Hey Princess.”

“Mum says to remind you that need to take it easy for a few weeks.”

“Your Mum forgets that I’ve spent the last two months sat on my arse in a cage,” he teases. “I’m sick of taking it easy.”

It’s a joke and Clarke knows it but it’s also a reminder of what he went through, what she put him through, and so she ducks her head to hide the tears stinging her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” he says, reaching for her hand. “Don’t. Octavia told me how upset you’ve been about it, but I had to go Clarke. I needed to go. I _wanted_ to go.”

“Raven thinks you have a hero complex,” she mumbles, and he laughs. She’s missed his laugh. 

“Maybe I do.”

She raises her head to look at him. “How are you feeling?”

“Surprisingly good.” He demonstrates by flexing his arms, and Clarke can’t help but trail her eyes over his tanned skin, over the muscles in his biceps. It’s been a few weeks since Raven mentioned it, but now she can’t stop picturing it; Bellamy curling those strong arms around Raven’s body. The thought makes Clarke’s chest hurt.

“You slept with her, didn’t you?” she blurts out.

His eyebrows shoot upwards. “Slept with _who_?”

“Raven.”

“Where did you hear that?”

“From her,” she says. “Is it true? Did you actually sleep with her?”

Bellamy’s eyes are wide and he looks startlingly like a deer caught in the headlights. “Yeah,” he says finally. “Yeah I did. But _you_ slept with Finn.”

Clarke’s mouth falls open and her cheeks heat up. “Christ, Bell, this isn’t a competition.”

“So that’s true too?” he says, like he’d been hoping all this time, even after everything, that it was somehow a rumour. 

“What’s it to you?” she bites out, and he breaks into his familiar smirk.

“Trust me, Princess, it’s nothing to me.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Fine,” she counters, scrambling to her feet.

“Fine.”

She glares at him and he grins back at her, grins until her expression softens. She’s missed this too much to pretend like she’s not over the moon that he’s back, that he’s okay, that he’s awake, that he’s alive. That he’s safe where she can watch over him. She’s never letting him leave her side again.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” she says quietly, and slips out of the tent.

 

*

 

They don’t talk about it again, but it doesn’t matter because things are already different, things have already shifted. There’s something electric in the air between the two of them, and it’s not _tension_ exactly because they get on fine and they hardly even bicker anymore because they’re just glad to be back together in the same place, but it’s _something_. 

Clarke finds her eyes lingering on him more than usual when he’s not looking, finds herself checking up on him, worrying about him, keeping tabs on him. It’s nothing; she just likes to know where he is. She needs to know that he’s safe. She finds every excuse she can to stay close to him. Raven keeps giving her looks, but she ignores her because she doesn’t know shit. Bellamy has always been important, integral to their survival even - just, now she’s taken it on herself to watch out for him personally. It’s nothing. It’s nothing, honestly, but that doesn’t mean it’s fine. Clarke wishes she’d never brought it up with him, wishes Raven had just kept her mouth shut about their little tryst. Then maybe she could’ve lived out the rest of her life on earth without ever having to think about what Bellamy’s lips tasted like.

It’s worst on the evening of Octavia’s birthday, because Jasper and Monty have spent the last couple of days making huge amounts of Moonshine and Clarke’s had too much and everyone’s had too much and Clarke keeps forgetting to remind herself that she doesn’t actually _belong_ at Bellamy’s side. She puts space between them so she doesn’t accidentally get too close, stays on the other side of the clearing, avoids eye contact. When Octavia drags her into the middle of the crowd to dance, she stammers her excuses and leaves for the safety of her tent.

Bellamy follows.

He appears in the doorway, stares down at her with big, brown eyes.

“What’s up?” she says, eyebrows furrowing in concern, but he says nothing, just shakes his head. They hold each other’s gaze for a moment, the air between them unusually charged, until Clarke finally turns her attention back to the book on her lap. She can’t concentrate. Bellamy stands watching her for a couple more minutes, and then he sinks to the ground of her tent. 

“It’s not nothing,” he says finally. 

Clarke looks up. “What?”

“You and Finn. It’s _something_ to me. I don’t know what, but…I just know I wish you hadn’t slept with him.”

Clarke swallows, hard. She wishes her head was clearer. “I wish you hadn’t slept with her, either.”

He runs a hand through his curls. “If I could undo it, I would.”

“But you can’t.”

“No.”

They are quiet for a moment. Clarke wants to reach out and touch him, but she knows she can’t. There’s too much to lose.

“You coming back to the party?” Bellamy asks eventually. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

He nods like he understands her turmoil, how much she wants this (whatever this is), how much she can’t have it. How many months she’s spent trying to convince herself that she wasn’t feeling anything, that she was projecting her pain about Finn, that he was like everybody else and she only cared because they needed him to survive. Like he understands how much sense they would make, how could they could be, how great a team. Like he thinks that it would be worth the risk, that they should just fuck everything, fuck everyone else and go for it. Like he thinks that they should finally do something for themselves.

_Maybe he does_ , she thinks. But if he does, he doesn’t say anything. He just backs out of the tent and walks away, leaving Clarke on her own.

**Author's Note:**

> to be continued....?


End file.
